The Misadventures of a Foreigner
by Cecil Kain Cerberus
Summary: Cody wasn't looking for an adventure, but somehow she wound up getting, more or less, kidnapped by the Shinsengumi, has to suffer several attempts of kidnapping by Kazama, gets involved in a war when she'd rather hide under a rock, and all the while try to remember how she got into this mess in the first place and save the people she will soon call friends. Pairing not decided.
1. In which Cody becomes hopelessly lost

**Title**: The Misadventures of a Foreigner

**Author**: Cecil Kain Cerberus

**Characters (central focus)**: Hakuouki cast and the Lost Foreigner (OC).

**Pairings:** I honestly have no clue yet. X3 It's still undecided!

**Rating**: T, might change to M.

**Warnings for the reader: **Blood, violence, cursing, and general stupidity from our wayward heroine.

**Setting**: Hakuouki.

**Summary**: Cody wasn't looking for an adventure, but somehow she wound up getting, more or less, kidnapped by the Shinsengumi, has to suffer several attempts of kidnapping by Kazama, gets involved in a war when she'd rather hide under a rock, and all the while try to remember how she got into this mess in the first place and save the people she will soon call friends.

**Length:** No clue. We're shooting for the stars, folks.

**Genre: **Romance, adventure, humor, friendship, tragedy, you know the drill.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. Idea Factor does. But if I did . . . well, let's just say some people would lose their sanity, while others would . . . erm . . . yeah.

* * *

_***In which Cody becomes hopelessly lost***_

You know those stories where people are transported into another world in some ridiculous form? And then they go on those great, fantastic adventures with these characters, and befriend them and crap like that?

Yeah. This isn't one of them. I'm not in some Looney Tunes show, playing Marco Polo with Daffy Duck and avoiding Elmer Fudd like a plague.

No, I'm stuck in ancient Japan. Running for my life.

On top of that, my whole BODY hurts. I couldn't explain why, but my muscles were screaming for rest. Not just because I was running.

Anyway, I was running for my life, and no, I'm not fleeing from Yosemite Sam. I really wish I was. At least I can trust an ACME anvil to fall on top of him. Really, I NEEDED that anvil. Idiots plus really sharp swords doesn't equal good news for me.

Ok, I really should be focusing more on the concept of running rather than making monologues in my mind. I can do that when I'm safe and sound in my bedroom, AWAY from these nutters.

Speaking of nutters…

"Get back here!"

Pfft, like I'm gonna listen to a guy waving a sword at me? Okay, rhetorical question. Don't answer that. Either way, I'm not going back. Geez, and all because I had this stupid sword on my waist.

My fingers briefly brushed the handle of the katana by my side. I have no freakin' idea on how to use them, and according to Cracked, these were the worst weapons to use in a zombie apocalypse. Why? You'd have a better chance cutting yourself than actually killing anything. Hence why I didn't dare pull out this puppy and cut them a new one.

I jerked my body toward a turn, sprinting as fast as I could down the alley before making another 90 degree turn. I was actually pretty proud of myself; for a chick who could never run an entire mile without getting sick, this is excellent. Thank you, adrenaline rush. And thank you, endorphins.

My third turn in a row gave me a perfect opportunity. There were barrels, planks of wood, beautiful places to hide in. So I did what any sensible person would do; I hid behind a stack of wood that was leaning against a building. To help in the concealment, I tugged a barrel over in front of me, covering one side. The other side was still open, but I wasn't stupid or desperate enough to hole myself in. Peeking over the barrel, I waited, resting on my haunches, listening.

There came footfalls, and I saw one of the creepers running down, growling under his breath. I almost giggled, but I quickly covered my lips. No good will come if I reveal myself, after all.

The guy pulled his sword, continuing to mutter something about a "brat." Twenty bucks says I was that "brat" he was talking about.

Either way, he walked slowly, trying to search everywhere for little o' me. So I ducked my head back inside my little sanctum and just waited for him to go away. I made myself as small as possible, something I can say a person like myself could do. Thank you, gymnastics. The one skill that never left me all these years.

It didn't take long before something …. interesting happened. I heard more footfalls, this sounding more like a group than one pair, and suddenly, I heard the creeper scream in terror. His scream attracted his cohort, but before the buddy came, screaming his partner's name, I heard sounds I never thought I'd hear.

Swords cutting people up.

I covered my mouth, trying not to vomit. The bile was rising up in the back of my throat as I heard the screaming of the dying and the sick, wet sound of a body being pierced over and over again. But nothing was worse than the horrible, Joker-worthy laughter coming from the killers. Dare I call it laughter? It didn't even sound human, just madness.

Nothing but madness and death.

The second guy met the same fate as his friend, and I suddenly felt a horrible retching sensation in my stomach. What on earth was going on?

Keep calm, I repeated to myself over and over. Do not freak out. Whatever you do, do NOT freak out unless you want to be Dead Victim #3!

The laughter died down to chortles, and thankfully, the cutting sounds disappeared. That was over, but now I was stuck here, near these homicidal maniacs. I knew there was more than one. But I didn't know how many. Were there two, three, six? God forbid anything above two. And please let them be short. Not exactly helpful, but at least my longer legs might be able to outrun them.

Might be.

My imagination was now working overtime. I began to imagine the freaks outside, even going as far imagining one of them sticking their heads into my little peeping hole. I didn't even know what they looked like, yet my oh-so-wonderful creativity filled in the gaps with gut retching monsters with fangs, claws, and glowing eyes.

Please dear God, let them just be sociopaths. Not zombies. Anything but zombies! I'll even take the sparkling pixies from Twilight!

I was trembling. My hands were still covering my mouth, but I knew the moment I moved, I'd make some kind of noise. Just stay quiet and don't move a muscle. And whatever I do, DO NOT PANIC!

The seconds dragged on for what felt like hours. I heard the faint, uneven steps of the creatures outside, giggling as they left, not daring to move a muscle. Monster, monster, go away. Never come back another day.

CLUNK!

I nearly jumped right out of my skin. Oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god- I'm-going-to-die! was all that went through my brain as every part of me tensed. Turning with a jerk of my head, the small exit point I had made showed the source of the noise.

Two—no, three—men in blue robes stood in the path of the creatures. Like any sane person, I questioned their sanity, but more importantly, I feared for their lives.

It was too far to see any details, but judging by their attire and the swords on their sides, they were most likely samurai. Granted, I am not Japanese, nor am I all that savvy when it comes to Japanese culture. History, maybe, but not culture. But I am a curious monkey, and by the looks of it, things were getting serious.

Blood would be drawn.

One of the guys moved forwarded, and I briefly caught a flash of something silver. A sword, most likely. He moved forward, disappearing from view, and then a gagging noise. Then my head started to throb painfully, and I'm certain that I cried out. The following events appeared like a blur covered in dense fog with my ears muffled with cotton. I honestly couldn't comprehend anything, nor could I make any sense of the stimulation flashing before my eyes.

Red. Lots of red. No screaming like before. Just red.

And then I saw white. Lots of white. It was suddenly brighter. Blurry faces were hovering over me, but I couldn't make out certain features. Nor could I understand what they were saying. Again, it was like cotton got jammed into my ears.

But before I knew it, everything went black, and I was out, left in the company of the strange people that would surely change my life.

For better or worse.


	2. In which Cody becomes a lawyer

**Warning: The following chapter contains obvious butchering of names. Cody has difficulty remembering names, so for the next few chapters, our beloved characters will be called nicknames until her inept skills catch up. ^-^**

**A quick guide;**

**Hijikata - Mr. Scary Looking Guy**

**Kondo - Spike**

**Inoue - Baldy**

**Sannan - Glasses**

**Sanosuke - Red**

**Heisuke - Kid**

**Shinpachi - Mr. Muscles**

**Souji - Troll**

**Saito - Bangs**

* * *

_***In which Cody becomes a lawyer***_

Remember when I said I was left in the company of some strange people who will change my life, for better or worse? I now know exactly which one.

Worse. Very much worse. I don't care if that's not proper English. It was bad.

Somehow, I went from my normal, happy, everyday life to be pursued by crazy people, which in turn were killed by even crazier people, which in turn were …

Well, I wasn't conscious by then. However, I did wake up only to find myself gagged and bound like a hog.

I won't lie. I'm no morning person. It takes half an hour to make me realize I'm still sitting on my bed.

Still, waking up with hog tied does speed up the process.

Thankfully, I wasn't left like that. Some guy who looked like he had premature balding issues came inside, hastily apologizing to me while cursing some other guy. He untied me, ungagged me, then told me to hand cuff myself (Guess this ain't the Wild West. I mean, come on. Rope? What do these nutters take me for? Cattle?). Then he graciously led me to my deathbed.

Okay, kinda. More like a primitive court room.

Trouble was I was having a hard time distinguishing who was the judge, the jury, and the prosecutor.

And I didn't have a freakin' lawyer, either. We're already off to a great start, eh?

Well, at least one thing is working in my favor. No zombies in sight. Yay.

My eyes scanned the room after I had seated myself before my executors. No doubt I was some kind of prisoner awaiting sentence. Why such the grim baritone? Well, you try being tied up after being hog tied, after being chased by maniacs with swords. This ain't no sun shine and rainbows, punk.

Now to the matters at hand…

"Well, then. Let us begin with introductions. I am Kondou Isami, leader of the Shinsengumi." The man who had spoken, younger than the guy who untied me, was dressed in traditional Japanese wear. His hair was kept up, save for his bangs, which were cut short. He seemed pleasant enough, at first, but I wasn't buying the act.

After all, he might be playing the good cop/bad cop route. I've seen the movies.

… Okay, okay. Bad reference. Don't judge, kay?

The man only got into introducing two of his men when one of his men interrupted him. Then again, it was probably better that way. I had already lost track of their names. To be keep them separate, I'll just nickname them.

The leader, the one who was introducing everyone, I dubbed Spike, due to his short bangs. He was being reprimanded by another member, who I dubbed Mr. Muscles, due to his exposed torso and biceps.

Spike cleared his throat in embarrassment. "Umm, Saito-kun, can you tell us what occurred last night?"

"Last night," spoke a stoic man, who I dubbed Bangs, due to his purple hair covering one blue eye, "some failed warriors encountered two ronin. A fight ensued, but we were able to stop it."

A fight? Try massacre. I kept hearing the men's screams as they were being bludgered to death. I was only grateful that I didn't see anything.

Just then, Bangs turned to look at me. "This one witnessed the encounter."

Spike turned to me. "Is that true, child? Did you see the fight?"

My voice got caught in my throat. My eyes drifted around the room, looking at each of their facial expressions. Something tells me if I answer this wrong, my head's going to gallows. Everything rode on my answer.

No pressure, right?

I gulped. "I—" I cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the frog that had kindly lodged in my throat. Just thinking of being killed did not help. "I didn't _see_ anything."

That was true. I didn't see anything. I never got a good look at whatever those creatures were. I only saw the three swordsmen, one of them probably Bangs, and heard that chilling laughter.

I resisted the urge to shiver at the memory. Better to forget. Forgetting is what I do best, yup yup yup.

Then Mr. Muscles drew my attention by addressing me directly.

"But Souji said you were helping our guys out." The moment those words left his lips, everyone's faces darkened. They thought they had a liar. Great, fantastic. Remind me to put this … somebody on my Kill List.

"I didn't!" I cried. "I don't even remember what helped last night! Really!" My desperation was clear on my facial features, I'm sure. But it worked, because a guy with a bandage around his stomach and dark red hair, dubbed now Red, gave me a sympathetic look, his amber eyes almost understanding, or at least not judging me.

"Could you tell us your side of the events?" asked a soft voice. I turned, noting how kindly and friendly it sounded. A scholarly man with glasses, now Glasses, had a gentle look on his face, yet his brown eyes were watching me closely.

Here goes nothing.

"Well," I stated, my legs crossing, "I got chased by some crazy nutters down an alley. I found a place to hide, and then, right when I think things are looking up, I hear this crazy laugh and …" My hands curled into fists, placed on top of each other, like I was holding a sword, "SWISH! SLASH-SLASH! Someone called Hannibal Lector and Joker to the party, and the two Stooges were dead as roadkill."

Glasses arched an eyebrow at me. I hope he was actually buying this. The others, I noticed in the corner of my eye, were giving me these really odd looks. I continued, seeing no reason to stop. "Next thing I know, some dudes showed up, and …" My brow furrowed.

Spike leaned forward. "And?" he asked, not unkindly.

I shrugged. "I don't remember. Red, white, then black. That's it. Then I wake up and find myself hog tied and on the floor. Honestly, I don't even know what's going on."

"You're being kept here because Hijikata-san thought you saw something you didn't," Red replied. "Although, I can't really say you 'saw' anything."

Another guy snorted loudly. I frowned, turning to look at the offender. He was young, with chestnut colored hair. His green eyes had this look that I just immediately wanted to hate. I dubbed him Troll, because of that Cheshire-like grin on his face as he spoke, "Come on. Just get a blade out. That's how we make sure no information is leaked."

"How so?" I was actually surprised by my boldness, but I couldn't keep quiet about it much longer. This guy was walking on forbidden grounds now. "You asked me if I saw anything, and I didn't. I only heard screaming, laughing, cutting blades, more laughing. You tell me how that's information being leaked. I don't have a freakin' clue what the hell is going on, so I see no reason why I gotta sit here on Death Row for a crime I didn't commit!"

Silence. Ooooh boy. Did I just ruin my chances of being released?

There was some shifting, before yet another person decided to voice his opinion. "Well, you have no reason to hold your tongue if someone would threaten to kill you. It's just a precaution."

I whirled around, seeing the kid who spoke. He had this long, brown ponytail, and his appearance just screamed, 'Kid,' thus, his name is Kid. I looked at him before speaking, "Okay, let's use your reasoning, then. Say I have no reason to hold my tongue if someone holds me at gunpoint. Fine, you got that much right. But, let's consider this. One, who's gonna hold me at gunpoint? I'm a kid. I don't look like much. I'm new here, I have virtually no face in this one horse town, so, really, my chances of getting picked up by … I don't know, green Martians, is lower than your chances of getting struck by lightning. Two, I don't plan on sticking around. I got places to go, people to see, and things to do. So I can say no one here can state they'll be seeing me anytime soon. Three, and this is very important, I. Have. No. Idea. Who. You. People. ARE!"

That got them. Spike looked honestly hurt, like I had somehow offended him or something. Everyone else just looked … well, like I grew a second head.

Then Kid leaned forward a bit, resting on his knees. "You mean … you don't know what the Shinsengumi is?"

"Shin-what-now?" I repeated. Was I supposed to know?

"This is troublesome, indeed," Glasses mused, stroking his chin. Spike looked at the guy, who I had yet to name, and the look was kinda returned.

Finally, the nameless guy gave me a chilling look. Hello, Mr. Scary Looking Guy. "Leave us. We'll discuss your fate."

Guess that meant the jury is about to draw a verdict. Did I play my lawyer's role well enough? Could I even appeal my case if they found me guilty of whatever crime they thought I committed?

… I really need to stop watching Investigation Discovery.

I was roughly grabbed by Bangs, being half-dragged, half-led to a room. Shoving me lightly into the room, his cold gaze met mine. "For your sake, try to imagine the worse. It might not go in your favor."

Crossing my arms and legs with a pout, I retorted, "For my sake, I hope the dudes in charge have half a brain. Come on! I don't even know what I did wrong! How is that justice if I don't have a clue what's happening?!"

Bangs frowned, his eyes narrowing. "It does not matter whether you did anything wrong. The fact is you witnessed something you should not have seen."

"Oooooh," I snorted ruefully. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you guys ran a Men-in-Black operation here. Next time, I'll remember to not be in the wrong place at the wrong time! Oh yes, why don't I next time ask the creeps who were chasing me, 'Oh, please don't chase me. I don't want to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Perhaps we can reschedule this little chase some other time?' Or maybe if I do get in the wrong place at the wrong time, I'll say, 'Oh please, good sirs. I'm not supposed to see you. Can you please go into another area, or allow me to depart?' Yes, or better yet, hit me with a two-by-four so I completely forget! I'll get amnesia and won't remember squat, but hey, your secret is well kept, whatever it is!"

Bangs didn't react at all to my sarcastic rant. He just watched me, reminding quiet before asking, "Are you done?"

I gnawed my teeth. "If you bastards didn't have swords, I'd totally knock your lights out." Bangs once again didn't react, merely shutting the door behind him.

Time seemed to pass slowly in this Godforsaken place. I may be enjoying the last moments of my life, for all I know. These people had warp senses of justice.

Finally, though, my death row wait was over when the bald guy came back. Baldy led me back to the room with all that idiots, and upon reaching my destination, Mr. Scary Looking Guy addressed me. "Upon evaluating the situation, we have decided upon letting you choose the manner of death."

My eyebrow arched. "Ooooh, how considerate. Do you plan on using my skin for a canoe, because if so, I'd like to request a fork."

Kid coughed. "Uuuhh, what's a fork?"

I looked at him incredibly. Did I just … hear that? Those morons didn't know what a fork was?

Wait… if they don't know what a fork is, what ELSE did they not know?

Mr. Muscles frowned slightly, stroking his chin. "Come to think of it, this guy said a bunch of other crap that didn't make any sense either. I thought he was just crazy or something."

Glasses regarded me carefully. "Tell me, child. Where do you come from?"

I blinked. I thought they knew. "… America?"

Everyone's faces changed suddenly. "What?" "He's a foreigner?!" "America?!"

Glasses nodded slowly. "I figured as much. I never thought I'd see the day of meeting a foreigner." His tone had changed, I noticed, and not in the good way. Looking around the room, I noticed everyone's facial expressions had hardened. Great. Just great!

"What's wrong with America?" I demanded.

"'Cause you invaded our ports and forced us to open them up to you!" Kid snapped angrily. I looked at him blankly.

"Hey, can I ask a question?"

"… Yeah?"

"What year is it?"

Kid blinked. "Uuuuh, 1863?"

. . . . . . . . "Oh."

Spike stared at me. "Is that rather important, child?"

I nodded. "Yeah, kinda is. See, the thing is … I'm not from this region, or even this time."

THAT got people going. "How?" "What do you mean?!"

I shrugged absently while Spike silenced the cries of surprise. Glasses seemed to have rekindled interest in me, no longer looking at me as if I were an annoying bug but an object he had never seen before. "Can you tell us what time are you from?"

"2012."

"Two thousand…" Spike facepalmed. "This cannot be happening."

"Ditto on that, bro," I replied. "I'm still wondering if I am having the most vivid dream of my life."

Mr. Muscles seemed to be the most vocal of the group, because he turned to Spike and stated, "This man is outrageous. You already heard he's a foreigner. Now he's claiming he's from another time period? I'd say just bring out the chopping block—"

I held up my hands, shouting, "Whoa, whoa! Hold yer horses! You think I'm … that I'm a guy?"

Spike looked at me. "Of course. Why wouldn't you be?"

"I'm a girl."

It was Mr. Scary Looking Guy's turn to stare at me strangely. "What?"

"That can't be." Kid shook his head. "He looks nothing like a girl."

"Well, now." Troll had finally spoken after a long moment of silence. He was watching me coldly, yet with the interest of a predator. "This is odd. But how can you prove it?"

Might as well go all out, since they already think I'm crazy. I loosened the kimino, reaching inside and loosening the bandages I had somehow gotten on my chest. "See this?" I asked, finally releasing my breasts. I didn't remove the kimino, but the idea was very tempting. "These are my boobs. Here's your freakin' evidence that I'm female." I removed my hands from inside the kimino, jiggling my bosom from the outside for further proof.

Bangs looked away immediately, blushing. "You asked for it, Souji."

Troll didn't know what to say. His green eyes were so wide I wanted to laugh right then and there. Red, Mr. Muscles, and Kid were gaping at me, Mr. Scary Looking Guy wasn't looking all that intimidating with that rush of red on his face, Glasses was trying to look elsewhere in the room, Baldy, who had been quiet the entire time, was coughing awkwardly and looking down, and Spike. Poor Spike.

I looked at the others', a grin on my face. "I'm just a surprise a second, eh?"

Glasses coughed loudly, breaking everyone from their shock. "Well, I can certainly say you are an enigma. Hijikata-kun, would do you think?"

Mr. Scary Looking Guy looked at me. Despite being shocked by my bluntness of my gender, he had regained his composure and scariness. He gave me a careful look, as if he was taking everything into consideration before making a call. I hope it was for keeping me alive.

"She'll live."

I was about to jump up for joy when he caught my eye, and I lowered my arms. "However, you will not be allowed to leave. You shall remain here, under our watch, until we can figure out exactly what to do with you."

My shoulders sagged a bit, but I had to remind myself, 'Hey, at least I'm not dead.'

Still, could this get any worse?

Jinxed.

... Shit.

A soft cough came from the corner of the room. I turned, looking at Kid curiously. He shifted uncomfortably before murmuring, "Soooo, what's your name, anyway?"

I merely blinked at him blankly. Introductions were normally at the back of my mind when meeting new people. Mostly because I sucked at remembering names. When I didn't answer immediately, Red gave me an encouraging smile. "It would be nice if we knew what to call you."

Ah. Makes sense. Derr. Brain fart. I cleared my throat, stating, "My name is Cody. S'up?"

No one got that. And I dug a really stupid grave for myself.

Shit again!

* * *

Preview:

_"Sup is an odd given name." _

_"That's because it's not a name. It's slang for, 'What's up?'"_

_". . ."_

_"How are you doing?"_

_"Fine."_

_"NO-NO! That's what 'S'up,' means! It's basically asking you how you've been."_

_"Oh."_

_"I'm getting a migraine. You people and your idiocy."_


	3. Quick Notice (will soon be replaced)

**Special note to y'all.**

**I am currently rewriting the first two chapters so they better correlate with the game. Then I'll jump right into Chapter 3.**

**Sorry for the wait, folks. But, as they say here...**

**I'M BACK, BITCHES!**


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